2023-04-17 15:54:12 +00:00
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---
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date: 2017-09-29T00:00:00-05:00
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title: "Dreaming..."
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2023-04-18 16:16:48 +00:00
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tags: [en_us, english, thoughts]
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2023-04-17 15:54:12 +00:00
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---
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Back then, I still wanted to write something. Back then, life was
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different, and I had another view of myself and of others. Back then,
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my house of cards was still standing, giving the impression that it
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was safe and sound, that its foundation was solid, and that nothing
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would shake it. But that was back then.
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Right now, I have lost my will and my power to concentrate, to focus
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on what really matters, because what really matters is still
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undefined. Right now, things don't seem to fit as they once did; the
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vision blurs and I am not so sure what it is that I should be doing
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but am not. Right now, my self has become another one. Someone that
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doesn't remind me of anybody in particular.
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Struggling, defining, living and knowing. These are constant words,
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constant feelings and actions that live with me. Who am I? What do I
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like? What do I *don't* like? Am I good in what I thought I was
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good? Am I feeling what I think I'm feeling?
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This is more than the impostor syndrome. But it is less than the
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Stockholm syndrome. It's somewhere in between, or maybe nowhere.
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When I woke up and decided to keep going, I knew it was a temporary
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decision. It still is. I still have to find what I missed, or what I
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have never found. What to do? Too hard of a question to answer right
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now. Here's hoping that time will help me with this hard, but
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long-wanted task.
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